State Of The DNB

The Raptors had a pretty uneventful easy win over the Magic. Kyle Lowry MVP chants are misguided and booing cause you don’t get pizza I have talked about far too much.

I want to address something that I have been fighting to avoid pretty much since prior to this season starting. I have done the Dino Nation Blog for the past 6 years plus of my life. It has become a huge part of who I am and part of my identity. It has offered me more experiences than I could have ever imagined. It has given me friends, experiences and last time I checked 1400 plus twitter followers.  None of that was ever the goal or intention of the Dino Nation Blog.

I have told the story before of how the Dino Nation Blog got started. It was an idea that came to me at 2am in the morning not long after my birthday. The part of the story that I left out was it was born out of a real depression that I was going through. As I have mentioned in passing I care for my disabled mother. This made the idea of having a media career somewhat unrealistic.

The truth is as far as I am concerned my number one job since I was 13 years old was to look after my mom. She wasn’t disabled back than but always struggled with pain in her knees that got worse over the years. It was always a struggle of how I could accomplish that number one job of looking out for her and still being able to have a career at what I love.

That love was sports and the media and most of all basketball. That has changed a lot especially in the last 6 years. I am frustrated by a lot of things that have gone on with sports media and the profession I love. I think a lot of bad stuff is happening that is not good for anyone. That is something I can likely deal with on its own. What I have a hard time dealing with is my own inability to give my 100 percent to it. Kind of ironic given at certain points in the history of the Dino Nation Blog I was praised for my work ethic above all else. I have always believed that the one thing you can control is how hard you work and try. I still do to a great extent.

What has become clear to me though is I can only get so far with my self induced limitations. I believe in my talent and I believe that I could have reached my goals with ideal circumstances. I am confident in my abilities as a broadcaster. As a writer that might be a different story but I have tried my best to improve over the years. I in a lot of ways built this thing using what I personally feel is my least effective tool. I would much rather talk to people than write. I attempt to do that even when I am writing. I want to have a conversation with you all. It may not make for great writing all the time but it is who I am.

The goal of the Dino Nation Blog was to build it into a vehicle to get to the point where I could do that through Radio and T.V. It has always been a struggle to balance everything. I never wanted to go into this depth about everything because I felt that no one is here to learn about my life. You are here hopefully because you love basketball and have a passion for the Toronto Raptors. I never wanted people to support this blog or myself out of some form of pity. I wanted people to support it because they liked it and they thought it was good.

That has been the other problem that is probably the basis for you reading this now. It has always been difficult to earn a living at this. I have always struggled to get by more than I am willing to share with you all. But I never was comfortable pimping the Dino Nation Blog as a means of support. The fact I have ever made a dime off of this is amazing to be honest. Still the reality is I need to earn a living. That struggle to make a living has become far too much of late.

I made the hard decision that this season I would commit to and beyond that I really could not. This is where we are at currently. This season, while the Raptors have finally started to have some measure of success, I have struggled in many more ways than you would likely ever imagine. It has got to the point that it has impacted on my ability to work as hard as I have in the past. I feel incredibly guilty about that fact. I am at times ashamed of myself for it. Other times I am not and feel that I have worked very hard and given all that I can possibly give to this.

I haven’t decided what the future will be for the DNB or for me. I will live up to the promise to myself of completing this season and decide from there.

I often laugh when people label me as negative about the Raptors. I am not negative I am and always have been a realist. I admire and love people who are able to live in the moment and enjoy it. To be hopeful and optimistic about the future is a wonderful thing.  In a strange sort of way the DNB itself is a representation of hope which likely seems strange to just stupid. But if you think about it for an idea that came at 2am in the morning it has come a long way. It just hasn’t worked out to be something that has led me to a place where I can provide for myself and my mother. I feel really guilty about that and have to take that into account. I owe it to myself and more importantly to her.

I desperately wanted this to lead to something that could do that. No one is a bigger fan of me than her and she is always far more proud of me than I deserve. I feel like I have given my 100% and still not actually was able to succeed at my ultimate goal.

I do love this so very much it like I said at the start has become a part of me. It has been a long journey that has offered me many unexpected surprises. I have had people express that I have inspired them to do things which is incredibly humbling. I didn’t start this for that. I have got to know people I consider friends. This was not an intention either but has happened. In caring for my mother it has made it difficult to have real friendships with people. I just have not had the time or the ability to make much of a friend for folks.

I am sorry this has become such a personal thing. I can’t help it though because this has become a part of who I am and all of you that have read or supported this thing for six years.

Will see what ends up happening but if this does end up coming to an end you all deserved to know why it has. You have invested your time in me through reading and listening to all that I have created.  If I hit the lottery tomorrow the Dino Nation Blog would never die. No one including me is holding there breath for that. Reality is what it is at the end of the day.

If I can figure out a way to keep this all going I will. That is why I added the Amazon stuff to the site recently. If people want use them it would help out. It might not help enough to keep this rolling but who knows.

If things have felt different or you have been disappointed in how the DNB has been this season you are not alone. I am more disappointed than anyone. I still feel I offer great opinions and insight into the Raptors and provide good content. What I am disappointed in is the lack of consistency.  I am trying but it is incredibly hard. So that is about it I have spilled my guts enough for one day and maybe a lifetime.

I hope people understand and all of you that have supported me over the years means the world to me and is probably why I have tried to keep fighting for my dreams and keeping this dream or thing that the DNB has become alive for all of you.